Confessions Of a SAHM

It's time to spill mamas...

•Awhile back sweet baby Otto was packing around a BEAST of a booger. Well, come morning it had dislodged itself and relocated to the bed sheets. Naturally, I picked up that dried, dime sized boog and put it in the pocket of my cardigan, because throwing it on the floor would have been digusting! That booger is currently MIA, along with every other dried booger I've ever put in my pocket.

•Getting dressed isn't always the first thing I do in the mornings. OK, or the afternoons. There are multiple days a week after my morning coffee that I start running around,  bra-less, boobs flapping, (You can literally hear them slapping my chest whilst running up and down the stairs FML.) like a chicken with my head cut off and don't even get presentable until right before my husband walks in the door!

•I go to great lengths to hide ALL the Amazon evidence!!! Fire is my preferred method, although I'd be willing to dig a grave if necessary. Every time my husband sees a package being delivered he automatically assumes its 1.) Expensive 2.) Unnecessary and that I've 3.) Developed an online shopping addiction, because ALL I do is sit around on my phone all day...

•My three-nager poops his pants daily and this one time instead of me pre-washing his undies by hand, I waved the lazy flag and threw them straight in the wash!!! Ughhhh....washing machines are NOT poop professionals. I opened that door to those undies, still poop smeared, staring straight up at me!!! My first thought!?! Did I just make one big poop soup!?! Then I carried on like a boss and dried that load. (Pun intended!)

•The day I became a wife, I also became a hypocrite. The day I became a mother, I became an even bigger one! I preach no peeing in the shower and I pee in the shower EVERY. DANG. DAY. I wear my husband's slippers outside ALL the time and I have a strict, no outside shoes, inside policy. I freak out if my hubby gets into bed without showering. I on the other hand always smell like roses, so that rule doesn't apply to me. I make my children eat a balanced breakfast, while I hide in the pantry and inhale all the brownies.

Let's stop here in fear of ruining my chances at the mom of the year award!!! Come the new year, I'll let you in on a few more of my sahm confessions that you surely won't want to miss...

Xoxo