When Your Dreams Become a Reality & Your Fears Do Too

We all think the grass is greener on the other side. We know it's just more grass, but for some unknown reason we convince ourselves it's going to be better in some way, shape or form...

Now let me set the stage. I grew up knowing that I was going to get a good paying job. The kind of job that would allow me to take care of myself. Although I always planned on getting married and having a family, I never wanted to be financially dependent on someone, in case worse came to worst. So with that being said, I had every intention of being a working mother but after my first baby was born and my husband's job became more and more demanding my mind started to change. I no longer wanted to spend my days away from my family. My husband was doing enough of that for the both of us. So, we made the decision and the financial sacrifices for me to leave my career as an electrician. This decision was the easiest, yet hardest decision I've ever had to make.

So here I am, 1-1/2 years into stay at home mom life and let me tell you something, it's a lot like that damn grass!

There's a ying and a yang to everything in life. Every possible situation you could imagine has a positive and negative side of the story and we all know that the side you dwell on, is the star of the show. The 'Miracle Grow' that's keeping that grass green isn't a miracle at all, it's a mindset.

Let me give you an example. I use to wake up @ 4am to an alarm clock. I'd zombie into the bathroom, brush my teeth, comb my hair & braid it down my back. I'd continue to zombie into the closet, throw on a sports-bra, granny panties, leggings, a men's shirt of some sort and a pair of diarrhea brown carhartt overalls. I'd then top this ensemble off with a baseball hat, hop in my jeep and haul to McDonald's for a dollar black coffee.

Now I wake up at 8ish to my kids screaming my name because they've been awake since 7am. I mombie into their room, bra-less and in my pajamas, take a giant whiff of poo (these boys are regular) and proceed to get them out of their beds. We then head to the kitchen where they immediately start demanding juice, cold cereal, tarts, television, the list goes on. Once they've been taken care of, I start the coffee. Right when it's done, so are they with their juice. More demands. Ahhh, finally the coffee!  

Here's where the mindset comes into play. The corporate working Mom, somehow imagined sahm life a lot more glamorous. Even though I told myself I knew the reality of the situation, some small part of me was still holding out for that greener grass.

There are a lot of things I could say about being a sahm, but what I really want to mention is the wife part....

As a working mama, I came home exhausted and by the end of the week it was everything I had to stay awake to put my boys to bed. I didn't need much one-on-one time with my husband. I was more physically drained, than emotionally and I was totally okay with sitting on opposite sides of the couch mindlessly scrolling through facebook.

As a stay at home mama, I'm more rested. I have more time to focus on family, our marriage and honestly the things that really matter to me. Well, that's caused a lot of heartache on the husband front (at least from my perspective). Staying home with your children is amazing but at the end of the day I'm no longer physically exhausted, I'm mentally drained. This makes me crave adult interaction, love & support more than ever before. These things bring clarity in a world of at-home chaos. This season of life is a trying one and for someone that spends most of their time away from the household providing, that's hard to understand. I know first hand, because that was me. To be fair, my husband works harder than anyone I've ever known. He's still coming home exhausted. His job hasn't shifted in the way that mine has and at the end of the day, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I'm asking him to put on his husband hat more than I ever have before and it hasn't been easy for either of us.

I don't have any fancy advice, motivational quotes or success stories. I just want you to know that you're not alone and I too am struggling. I will tell you one thing, gratitude get's me through. Reminding myself of everything I have to be thankful for (and it's a lot) automatically changes my mindset. So how do I keep my grass green you ask? Miracle Grow (MG). Only my MG is Mindset & Gratitude. So, let's pop a bottle and cheers. I want you to know that I'm RSVPing for your next massive pitty-party and all the parties following, because I feel you mama!!! 

Xoxo